Three days until Independence Day
Three days or less until my niece, Emma Victoria Harmon, enters the world we live in. Nine days until my 40th Birthday.
Out of sheer determination I am writing today. It is amazing how difficult it is to write during the summer. I have gotten into the bad habit of beginning blogs but never finishing them or hitting publish. So today I publish.
We are in the middle of Fireworks Booth and sales are slow. Today is actually the first day I feel somewhat set up. For Bobby, Fireworks Booth means sorting through product, inventory, set up, tear down and waiting for customers. For me, Fireworks Booth means endless hours running errands, getting the trailer set up to live in for the week, using the church bathrooms, feeding people. The weather has been nice here in Nor Cal with a cool breeze wafting through the booth. Nonetheless, at the end of the day, we are all wiped out.
Kyle has been sick all week. He has had a fever and sore throat. I took him to the doctor on Tuesday to rule out strep, which he did but Kyle has been miserable and cranky. Finally today the fever has lifted. The doctor said it was just a virus that has to be worked through. Justin has been enjoying “Summer Splash”, which is our VBS. The children’s team here is amazing and doing a great job.
The first day we were in the trailer was Wednesday. We are borrowing the trailer from a family of the church and it sits in the church parking lot. Wednesday was a particularly hairy day of running around trying to get the Fireworks Booth set up, get ready for Youth Service and set up the trailer. Why we did this all on the same day, I will never know. Meanwhile, Justin is enjoying Summer Splash and Kyle is laying down in the trailer. I left to run errands.
When I got back from the store, Bobby was walking with Kyle toward the booth and Kyle was crying. When I asked what happened, Kyle said that he was locked in the trailer by himself and couldn’t get out. My poor baby had a panic attack. He said, “didn’t you hear me yelling your name?, I was screaming.” I gathered him in my arms and said, ‘no, honey, I didn’t”. Then I looked at Bobby and asked how was Kyle locked in? The answer was that he wasn’t locked in, he only thought he was. You have to pull really hard to open the trailer door. Kyle thought it was locked and if he pulled harder it would break. He said to me, “I don’t ever want to be alone in that trailer again.” I told him I didn’t blame him, but that really wasn’t the solution. Then we went back to the trailer and showed him how to open the door and what to do if it really was locked. Once he was able to confidently open and unlock that door, his fear subsided. Now he doesn’t live in fear of that happening. He knows that he can handle it and that it is nothing to be afraid of.
I felt horrible that my baby felt trapped and alone. That he cried out for help and help didn’t come right away. But I didn’t want that fear to cripple him or hinder him from living his life. I wanted to give him the skills he needed to get out of it by himself. Now, he is the expert at open the trailer door and helps others when they get stuck.
Yesterday I grabbed Joyce Meyer’s Book, “Never Give Up” with the hope that I would have a chance to read it. I bought it months ago and read the first few chapters but never finished it. That is kind of funny, considering the title,lol.
I opened the book to the chapter on fear. Joyce says this on page 33,
“If God removed all fear, we would never grow and overcome obstacles.”
God will not take away our humanity. He will not “take away” the fear, but he will show you how to deal with it. He will give you the skills to overcome it. He will do more than just solve the problem – he will show you how to. We will always feel fear. Feel it. Press through it. Learn from it. Living in freedom doesn’t mean living with the absence of fear, it means facing it head on and learning what you need from it so it won’t hinder you in the future.
I am going to hit publish now…