In a few minutes a party will start. Aunts,uncles, cousins and family friends will arrive. Kids will jump excitedly into the pool, presents will be opened and cupcakes consumed. Today we are celebrating Justin’s 10th year of life. Justin is my oldest child, my firstborn son and my not so little anymore miracle.
I remember clearly the dream I had about 13 years ago. I had been married for two years and trying for the majority of that time to have a baby. One morning I woke up remembering a dream I had of holding a baby boy in my arms and knowing that he was my son. I also knew that this boy’s name was Justin Ryan Grasso. I wrote it all down in my journal and for days,weeks and a few months, I hoped. But soon it hurt too much to hope and I tried to go on with my life. I put the journal away and tucked the desire to be a mom deep down inside where it throbbed with every beat of my heart. I tried not to focus on it but felt it just the same.
Every woman has a journey that she does not anticipate. Some part of her life that she couldn’t have imagined or would have chosen. Because life doesn’t follow the scripts we dream up as young girls. Things happen, people exercise their free will, and bodies don’t work. The script changes and the only thing we can control is our attitude and even that feels out if control at times.
I was rounding the corner of five years married and four years trying to get pregnant when I looked down at the pregnancy test and was stunned to see the plus sign.
It was only after we couldn’t agree on a name, that I dug out that journal to see what the name of that little boy I dreamed was. His name was Justin Ryan and this month he turned ten years old.
A few hours later….
The party is over. Fun was had and cupcakes consumed. A little big boy was loved and spoiled.
There were so many moments before Justin was concieved that I remember feeling powerless and out of control. I would sit and ponder the impossibility of getting pregant and having a baby.
Today as I watched my not so little anymore miracle jump off the diving board like a maniac,laugh,smile and imagine that he is a superhero, I am reminded that the things that are impossible for me are not impossible for God.
I am reminded that I am not in control of my story but I am not alone in it either. That chapter by chapter, God has been faithful to walk with me, help me grow and has even created a miracle or two for me to love, help grow and guide.
I am reminded that maybe the things I think are an impossibility today just might be a miracle tomorrow that I will live to write about in a few years.
Dear Presious Lord, thank you for my miracle. Guide him, grow him, keep him. And help me to place all my other impossibilities into your very capable and sovereign hands.